Mums With Hairy Legs

Fenton?

Yesterday we had a wonderful Mothering Sunday (and once again, sorry for the wrong use of title - I blame my mothering). The whole day was a perfect reminder to pray for family life in all its array of colour, for the Blessed Virgin -  that beguiling teenager who gave herself away for the greater cause, the life of Mother Church in all her work of care and comfort, support and sustenance for the world at large. Flowers were duly distributed to all members of the congregation, without care for their status as parent or indeed gender. Mothering Sunday is a day for all, I think.

One of the great things about being a father to twins is that as a parent couple with two new babies, we both became single parents in tandem. In other words, we were called very often in the early days to one-on-one with a child while the other did the other. For one of the girls I did everything, and for the other, Mrs Acular did likewise. Despite the pressures that brought with it, it also presented a perfect opportunity for me as Dad to also be Mum - or put another way, to do everything, not just dip in and out to pick up the bits the other couldn't manage. I know several mates whose wives did or do the child-rearing while they did the bread-winning, bison-slaughtering and lawn-mowing - only to grasp a few minutes with junior at bath time.

This causes me, often, to think of parents who are left alone with children - through death, through separation, through many factors. More often than not, this arrangement is manifest in single-mums with their kids. Less often do we hear of fathers left to raise their children alone. 

The thing is, it just isn't the same. Arrangements for children (social, medical, educational, societal) are very mum-centric. I know the reasons why and I subscribe to them. However, being a dad with a kid (even if it is as a dad with kids just for the day while mum works) is tough at times. You only need try pitching up to a toddler group and you fast learn that as a testicular creature, you are in a tiny minority of (often) one. Even the toddler group in my last parish where I served as curate had me as the only male parent present. The school playground is another such place although to a lesser extent. You already know of my experiences trying to register my own children with a doctor surgery - "not without mum". Taking babies to clinics is much the same. I know why this is, and I accept it all - but neither is it easy.

And I am a man with a wife. I find it hard to comprehend how hard it must be to be a single-dad in this day and age. When toddler-groups are still familiarly known as "mother and toddler" groups, and many school networks find their genesis in NCT groups, it is easy to see that life doesn't easily provide for single dads without those men feeling like odd-ones out. The church is the same too, in part. The prayer and work for the maintenance of the family exists is whose Union? Not the Father's! 

Anyway, my reasons for writing this post (itself no more than a rumination typed) is not to judge the status quo, but to simply observe. I prayed for many facets more evidently presented in a normal Mothering Sunday, but overlooked to pray for those men who have to be mum too. For them I pray now. 

Get it Right, Farv

It is my sad duty to report, dear readers, that I caused consternation nay upset within the ranks of none less than the Mother's Union. This is a precarious place for a Vicar to be as it is widely known that the Mother's Union wields more real authority in the church than Opus Dei. The Mum's Onion here is a lovely group of the lovely, and to wound them wounds me. 

But I can read your mind. What did Farv do that was so heinous? Surely the incumbent didn't take Mary Sumner's name in vain. Surely the priest didn't propose the formation of a Father's Union? None of the above, friends; none of the above. I just did what I have always done.

I referred to March 18th as Mother's Day and not as Mothering Sunday (Heaven forfend that I should have ventured down the 'Refreshment Sunday' route). No, this was my transgression and during the Lent Course did my folly unfold. I was told. Straight. 

It did raise an interesting debate-ette actually (a debate between the one speaking and the silence of my inner-monologue). I could see her point too, in truth. 

It was claimed, very graciously I must add, that the name Mother's Day diminishes the day in a way that Mothering Sunday does not. That Mothering Sunday speaks of the ministry of all women, be they blessed with children or otherwise. That Mothering Sunday sanctifies the work of motherhood embodied by, yes, Mother Church. The extension of the argument was that "Mother's Day" is a term of the commercialized as "Father's Day" is - a ploy to sell overpriced Daffs and naff cards for Muvva. They are all very valid comments and I don't have an argument against any - and neither do I seek any. 

This post is not really about the essence of debate that exists within the heart of this - but more an observation how the change in language has an impact on others. I didn't want anything to cause aggravation; quite the opposite as I value all that Mothering Sunday stands for - but how easily some things can founder on the detail. 

I won't have a word said against my ladies either - they are lovely.